Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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