I accidentally burped into my bong.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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