don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
