You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
