Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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