My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
