I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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