plz talk dirty to me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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