I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
