They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
