Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
