Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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