if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
