He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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