party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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