he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I believe in your delicious
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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