as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
ttyl tear gas
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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