I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
