I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize