i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
