Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
