Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
