READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
