I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
