I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
