Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
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Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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