i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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