Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
