Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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