dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
