Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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