i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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