I hate all girls vehemently.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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