News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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