you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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