glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
God I need to hump something, right now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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