How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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