Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
