We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
