I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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