by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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