What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
