Pants 0. Shit 1.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
