Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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