You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
