I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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