He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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