this beer tastes like vomit already
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
