I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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