Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
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you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
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So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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