Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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