sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
