Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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