The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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