awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
