how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
