I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
