why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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