We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
