I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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