she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
