TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
