You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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