My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
