dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
